Coming for Therapy

Why a Clinical Psychologist?

You wouldn’t call a plumber to fix your piano (although our plumber can - most plumbers have more than one set of skills); so why shouldn’t you see a clinical psychologist if you need psychotherapy?

The first thing you need to know is that psychology is an umbrella science containing multiple disciplines and specialisations.

There is a lot of information (and disinformation) surrounding psychology.

Clinical Psychologists are the bunch who are specifically trained to conduct Psychological Assessments such as diagnostic interviewing, behavioural assessment, administration and interpretation of psychological test measures, and to provide Psychological Intervention to individuals and families at all levels.

Clinical Psychologists also receive advanced training (minimally a Master of Clinical Psychology) in diagnosing and treating intellectual, emotional, psychological, social and behavioural maladjustment issues ranging from daily stressors right up to severe clinical psychopathology.

In the same way an eye doctor will not (should not, really) operate on your knee, you must seek out the type of psychological help you need and ensure they have the necessary training and experience. For example, if you are seeking out services in Sport and Exercise Psychology, or Psychoanalytic Psychology, this is not the place for it - although we will be happy to introduce some of our friends to you.

But don’t take our word for it - here’s the take from the top
American Psychological Association and Psychology Board of Australia.

Your first therapy session

(aka “Intake Assessment”)

Understand what goes on during your Intake Assessment at Annabelle Psychology

Your first therapy session will comprise of an initial assessment by your psychologist. We call this an Intake Assessment or simply, Intake.

Intake is a session for your psychologist to understand you as a person and discuss the issues that have brought you to therapy. It is important that this takes place in a safe, private, and non-judgemental space. You may be asked to complete a form with your basic personal information prior to Intake.

Through guided conversation, your psychologist will begin to develop an understanding of your concerns and other underlying factors, and explore relevant background or history; for example, information about your family, social relationships, work history or any past counselling that you have done. With the gathered information, your psychologist will work with you to craft a collaborative and flexible plan for future therapy sessions. You may wish to bring a notepad to record these and other useful discussions that occur during your session.

Intake sessions typically run for 90 minutes. If the concerns or the issues you face are complex, your psychologist may request that you extend your Intake session or return on another day.

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Continuing Therapy

(“psychotherapy” -
works best if you follow through!)

Therapy will be different for everyone.

During Intake and through the course of therapy, your psychologist and you will jointly formulate and refine your treatment plan based on the information you provide.

It is therefore important that you share information that you feel may be relevant to your concerns. This is because therapy is a collaborative treatment based on the relationship between your needs as an individual and your psychologist. We call this the Therapeutic Alliance. Grounded in dialogue, psychotherapy is at its most effective when you participate fully in your sessions. Your psychologist will provide a supportive environment for you to share thorny or difficult issues with someone who’s objective, neutral and non-judgemental. You and your psychologist will work together as a team to identify and change the thought and behaviour patterns that are keeping you from feeling your best.

You can be completely honest with your psychologist without concern that anyone else will know what you revealed.

The therapeutic relationship is a confidential one (subject to a few legal exceptions: for example, if you threaten to harm yourself or someone else, or by court order). At your request, information we collect about you can be shared with other medical or mental health professionals.

By the end of treatment, you may have learned new skills to better cope not only with the problem that brought you in, but with whatever challenges that may arise in the future.

Therapy sessions typically run for 60 minutes.

How many sessions does it take for me to feel better?

This is a difficult question to answer. But we tell you some of the factors that affect the length of treatment. Typically, this depends on

Ψ the complexity of issues
Ψ how long you wait before seeking help
Ψ how frequent you turn up for session
Ψ whether you “complete your homework”

By way of example (and only as a guideline), persons who present with straightforward depression or anxiety typically take at least 10 to 15 sessions before they feel well enough to request for discharge. More complex issues such as Personality Disorders can take years.

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Psychology, Generally

Seeking psychological intervention*

(*basically, seeking professional help)

Credit: American Psychological Association

Visit to explore this and other helpful videos in this series

“What good does talking do?”

“That’s what friends are for?”

“What can a psychologist do? Isn’t psychotherapy just ‘talking’? I talk to my family about my problems”

These are familiar refrains among those with anti-therapy attitudes.

But don’t get us wrong.

Support from family and friends you trust is often your first line of defence. However, the “talking” therapy that you will have with your psychologist involves so much more. Clinical Psychologists have years of specialised education coupled with supervised training and workplace experiences that make them experts in understanding and treating complex issues with psychotherapy.

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What is Psychotherapy

Think of your body, your bones and your flesh as your hardware. Important physiological tools for your very survival.

Your thoughts, emotions, and feelings: this is your software. Your software controls your hardware, dictates your mood, and is responsible for your well-being. It’s important stuff. But your software may not always work as well as you’d like it to. Software issues cannot be resolved by telling the problem to go away, the way you would give your old television an occasional knock. Life happens, and you may not always have the necessary tools to rough it out. Or you may simply need the occasional tune up. This is psychotherapy.

Psychotherapy is understanding and dealing with your inner thoughts and emotions productively

In a completely honest environment. And research shows that psychotherapy is most effective and helpful when an honest dialogue takes place between you and your psychologist.

The techniques a Clinical Psychologist employs during psychotherapy are developed over decades of research and involve more than mere talking and listening. We assess, diagnose and treat individuals suffering from psychological distress and mental illness. We also perform psychometric testing such as IQ assessments for adults or kids.

Clinical Psychologists recognise behaviour or thought patterns objectively, more so than those closest to you, who may have stopped noticing, or perhaps not all. Your psychologist will be able to identify the next steps that you may face in your challenge, and offer coping strategies. Their observations may sound similar to what your family or friends may say, but an experienced psychologist bringing their clinical skills to the table will greatly assist the process.

If your difficulties have been ongoing for some time without significant improvement, or would like preventive therapy before your difficulty becomes insurmountable, now may be the time to seek help from a trained psychologist.

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Psychology v Psychiatry

Credit: CrashCourse

“What’s the difference?”

The fields of psychology and psychiatry share a common goal: helping people feel better. Both disciplines are essential in the research and development of treatment for improving mental and emotional health.

One key difference between the disciplines is that psychiatrists are medical doctors and will generally approach your issues from a pharmacological perspective, while clinical psychologists focus on psychotherapy; identifying and treating the underlying causes of your emotional and mental suffering through behavioural and thought modification. Psychologists are also responsible for conducting psychological and psychometric testing, which is critical in assessing a person’s mental state and determining the most effective course of treatment.

Simply put: psychologists and psychiatrists work as a team to make you feel better.

Because of the division of responsibilities between psychiatrists and psychologists, the frequency of your visits are also different – a follow-up visit to a psychiatrists typically takes place at intervals scheduled around medication while psychotherapy is beneficial only if you participate with regularity i.e. once a week or fortnight.

Fun fact: Psychiatrists are also trained to perform electro-convulsive therapy or ECT.

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When should I seek help?

When should I seek psychological intervention?

Come talk to us if you feel that your problems have reduced your quality of life, your mental well-being has a disruptive impact on your daily routine (e.g. work, social life), your relationships and mood has been affected, or generally if you feel you are not living a meaningful life or not according to your values.

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Personality Disorders

What are Personality Disorders?

Credit: CrashCourse


Here’s a really good overview of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Credit: Ofir Sasson

Disorders of Personality: let’s unpack the two keywords. (or skip for the summary)

Personality is the combination of traits that makes you a unique individual.

Reduced to its essence, it’s the sum of thoughts, feelings, and behaviour, which makes you, well, YOU. Your personality is influenced by everything around you: your experiences, environment, circumstances.

Disorders require a somewhat lengthier explanation.

For many years, the term Disorders was deemed somewhat a misnomer. If your personality was uniquely you, how can your personality be a disorder! The first thing to understand is that Disorders do not mean that there is something wrong with you. But it does mean that the way you think, feel, or behave (i.e. your personality), causes you and those around you distress or problems.

There are three key criteria that a Clinical Psychologist will look for when diagnosing a Personality Disorder.

The first criterion is that there must be an impairment in self. This is simply a shorthand for saying that there must be an issue with your identity or ability to self-direct. For example, ego-centrism, low self-esteem, lack of personal boundaries are issues that go to a person’s identity. On the other hand, the inability to adhere to lawful or normative behaviour, adapt to a new situation or circumstance, or unrealistic or incoherent personal goals, are some of the issues associated with a person’s ability to self-direct.

The second criterion is an impairment in the way you interact with others. There are two specific impairments that Clinical Psychologists look out for, and these are issues with empathy or intimacy. For example, issues with empathy include the complete lack of concern for others or the lack of remorse after causing hurt, or a preoccupation with and sensitivity to criticism or rejection by others. Intimacy problems include an inability to form close relationships, forming intense, unstable and conflicted relationships, or forming exploitative relationships as a primary means of relating to others.

The third criterion is the presence of one or more pathological personality trait domains or facets. There are 5 personality trait domains, each domain containing 3 trait facets. The domains are Negative Affect, Detachment, Antagonism, Disinhibition and Psychoticism. We’ll do a deeper dive into the trait domains and facets in a separate piece.

These impairments and personality traits and facets are usually persistent over a period of time and consistent across situations, and must not be due to any physiological effects of a substance or a general medical condition.

So, how many Personality Disorders are there?

By now you must have surmised that the term Personality Disorders refers to a grouping of different types of disorders relating to personality. 10 Personality Disorders to be precise. These are helpfully grouped into 3 clusters:
Cluster A (the "odd or eccentric" cluster)
Cluster B (the "dramatic, emotional, erratic" cluster)
Cluster C (the "anxious, fearful" cluster)

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Personality Disorders are persistent thought, emotional, or behavioural patterns that have caused significant difficulties in your daily life.

Living with a Personality Disorder

Most people who are suffering from a Personality Disorder may not even realise that the difficulties in his or her life are a result of that Personality Disorder.

A common indicator of a personality disorder is when a person’s way of thinking, feeling or behaving causes distress or affects his or her daily functioning, over a period of time. Seemingly common stresses and problems feel harder to resolve. Family and friends may start to observe patterns that occur across that person’s life; the same patterns that result in serious problems with relationships and work.

During a clinical assessment, a Clinical Psychologist will look for signs of the 4 traits, and ascertain whether you have significant and enduring difficulties in these areas before making a clinical diagnosis.

Obtaining a diagnosis isn’t a shameful thing. It just means now you know where to look to get better. And as with any other form of treatment, knowing what you are dealing is an enormous step in the right direction.

Here’s a really good explanation of the 10 different Personality Disorders.

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Borderline Personality Disorder

Credit: Psych2Go

Now that we understand what is a Personality Disorder (PD), let’s talk about a specific PD: Borderline Personality Disorder.

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Persons suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder are usually characterised by interpersonal difficulties as a result of how he or she interacts with others. Irrational fears of abandonment by loved ones or friends, a history of unstable friendships and relationships, and impulsive and self-destructive behaviours are some of the more common Borderline PD symptoms.

But why is it called “Borderline” Personality Disorder? What is this line, and where is the border? (hint: it is not found between the US and Mexico)

Well, conventional literature classified personality disorders into two categories: “Psychosis”, which basically refers to psychological disorders where the sufferer losses touch with reality (i.e. through hallucinations or delusions); and “Neurosis”, where the sufferer remains in contact with reality but nevertheless experiences chronic distress.

In Borderline Personality Disorders, these symptoms may manifest in the form of emotional instability, anxiousness, impulsive behaviour, distorted thoughts or perceptions, and intense but unstable relationships. Some may also be triggered by what are seemingly ordinary events - for example, a brief period of separation from a loved one. As you can see, depending on which symptoms arise, sufferers do not necessarily fit neatly into “Psychosis” or “Neurosis”.

For want of a better definition, as sufferers were thought to be in between the categories of Psychosis and Neurosis - i.e. somewhere along the border - the disorder was christened “Borderline” Personality Disorder.

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What causes Borderline Personality Disorder?

There are several factors that indicate whether an individual may be predisposed to Borderline PD.

These factors are made up by a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Let’s take genetic factors first: Research has shown that abnormal developments or changes in certain regions of the brain responsible for mood regulation and aggression are indicators of Borderline PD. Malfunctioning neurotransmitters are also a key indicator of Borderline PD. Other research suggests that individuals with a biological parent or sibling suffering from Borderline PD are at higher risk of being diagnosed with Borderline PD.

Turning to environment factors, childhood or other trauma experienced later in life have been linked to the development of Borderline PD (abuse or sexual assault, physical or emotional neglect etc.).

Treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder

Psychotherapy remains the primary means of treating persons with Borderline Personality Disorder, although this is usually combined with psycho-pharmacological therapy (i.e. medication) to reduce particular symptoms. We work with psychiatrists specialising in Borderline Personality Disorder (and other Personality Disorders) regularly to provide holistic treatment.

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Paranoid Personality Disorder

Is Paranoia a personality issue?

As any good lawyer will tell you - that depends (and that’ll be $5,000 thanks).

What we call paranoia, shorthand for suspicion and mistrust, is a huge part of the disorder. But for it to be a clinically recognised disorder, the focus is whether your paranoia is irrational or excessive (unless you are the President of the United States, then it is of course Fake News).

How Paranoid must I be?

It is normal (and human) to have had moments where we were more cautious or mistrustful; after all, we are constantly learning from experience.

But these moments of paranoia may suggest the presence of a disorder if the mistrust persists and turns into something uglier like believing others have bad motives and doubting their intentions “for no reason”.

Before a diagnosis may be made, Clinical Psychologists will look out for these symptoms:

Ψ Suspecting that others are manipulating, harming or deceiving him/her without sufficient basis
Ψ Preoccupied with unjustified doubts about loyalty or trustworthiness of your peers
Ψ Unwilling to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that information will be used maliciously
Ψ Finds hidden demeaning threats or meanings in benign or neutral remarks
Ψ Persistently bears grudges and unforgiving of others
Ψ Perceives attacks on his/her character or reputation
Ψ Recurrent suspicions, without justification, regarding fidelity of spouse/sexual partner

(you can see the trend now can’t you)

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You may have noticed by now that the underlying issue is the lack of justification for your paranoia.

Justification, in and of itself, is also highly subjective. This is because individuals with paranoia frequently disregard concrete evidence that contradict their beliefs and views. Some might even go to the lengths of alleging the presence of trickery or arguing that the evidence itself is untrustworthy or doctored (Fake News again anyone?).

As a result, a major consequence of Paranoid Personality Disorder (Paranoid PD) is the toll it takes on interpersonal relationships, due to the sufferer’s inability to look pass omnipresent doubt. Sufferers rarely confide in or fully “open up” to others, even to close friends and family.

Schizophrenia vs Paranoid Personality Disorder

People often associate Paranoid PD with Schizophrenia because persons suffering from either disorder seemingly exhibit similar psychotic symptoms (e.g. loss of contact with reality, delusions, hallucinations).

One difference is that often, individuals with Paranoid PD are in contact with reality, except that the symptoms usually manifest when the individual is under high levels of stress, and such episodes typically last only from a few minutes to a few hours. By contrast, persons suffering from schizophrenia experience a persistent and much deeper disconnect from reality lasting for significantly longer periods of time.


People with Paranoid PD rarely seek psychological help due to the high levels of mistrust with those who do not agree with them (the list is usually long). Those who seek preliminary treatment often discontinue regular therapy or consultations.

However, anecdotal evidence suggests that persons suffering from Paranoid PD are likely to consult a psychologist from time to time. This is a good starting point, even if therapy is irregular. The focus of these infrequent consultations will centre on first equipping them with skills to cope and function in their daily lives. These concerns usually revolve around challenges in interpersonal relationships. Your clinical psychologist will use these sessions to build trust and rapport (remember the Therapeutic Alliance with your psychologist?) to allow you to eventually address and work through the Paranoid PD.

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Anxiety Disorders

Generalised Anxiety Disorder

First of all, yes, anxiety is a normal human response to challenging events. Challenging events range from the very mild (where did I leave my keys) to really problematic challenges (like building a wall, stretching 3,145 km, without congressional funding).

When feelings of anxiety affect other aspects of your everyday life and spirals out of control, it may signal the beginning of a maladaptive form of anxiety known as General Anxiety Disorder (GAD). A 2012 Singapore study revealed that GAD affected 0.9% of the local Singaporean population, depending on which figures you believe (6.9 million anyone?), means that the number of persons suffering from GAD is not an insignificant number.

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Persons who suffer from GAD experience symptoms such as:

Ψ Feeling nervous, irritable or on edge
Ψ Having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom
Ψ Having an increased heart rate or heart palpitations
Ψ Breathing rapidly (hyperventilation), sweating, and/or trembling
Ψ Muscle tension
Ψ Feeling weak or tired
Ψ Difficulty concentrating
Ψ Having trouble sleeping or maintaining sleep

Generalised Anxiety Disorder

Credit: MinuteVideos

Watch this short video to understand the difference between Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder

Individuals often say that these symptoms are hard to control and once experienced, they affect other aspects of their life. They usually seek medical attention only when GAD symptoms like sleeplessness and headaches become harder to ignore.

At the same time, it is important to remember that a diagnosis of GAD is not automatically given even if one experiences most or all of the symptoms listed. GAD is a clinical diagnosis that must be made by a trained clinical psychologist or psychiatrist. Additionally, some symptoms must be present for more days than not over the past 6 months. Symptoms typically worsen during periods of stress.

In severe cases, individuals with GAD may find it difficult to carry out daily tasks. This is compounded by the lack of drive or motivation to even get out of bed to face the day’s tasks and challenges, especially when it comes to going to work or school. Research indicates that women are more vulnerable to GAD, and the disorder tends to rear its ugly head from middle adulthood.

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Fortunately, GAD responds well to treatment, especially if there is early intervention. Psychotherapy (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Exposure Therapy and response prevention therapies) has been found to be very effective in treating GAD. CBT aids the individual to recognise triggers that would set off an anxiety episode, and at the same time, allows the individual to use imparted healthy coping mechanisms and relaxation techniques to deal with these triggers and the resulting reactions.

Medication may also be necessary in some instances, and we work together with our friends over in psychiatry to provide you with holistic care.

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What is Social Anxiety Disorder?

Imagine walking into a room full of people. Or running into a group of your friends at a cafe.

A nerve racking experience for some, but for those with Social Anxiety Disorder, this ordeal will trigger waves of excruciating fear and anxiety.

One diagnostic feature of Social Anxiety Disorder is the experiencing of disproportionate fear or anxiety in social situations, because of the fear of being judged or criticised by others. Ordinary social situations such as maintaining a conversation, eating or drinking, or even just walking into a clothing store.

Individuals suffering from social anxiety fear that they may be negatively perceived by others.

Sufferers are afraid of behaving in a manner that may be perceived as embarrassing or humiliating. And sensitive to how others may perceive them, and fear rejection or offending others.

Social Anxiety Disorder

One common (and unhealthy) coping mechanism is choosing to avoid social situations. If a social situation cannot be avoided, such as a work function or a family gathering, sufferers may be forced to endure the situation with intense fear and anxiety. These experiences are debilitating and they face immense struggles in their personal, work and social life.


Social anxiety disorder responds well to a combination of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Exposure Therapy. CBT helps by allowing us to recognise our thoughts and images that trigger our fears and/or anxiety to social situations, and teaches us to shift attention away from ourselves. Exposure Therapy is especially helpful in allowing us to confront our fears in a graded and gradual manner. This helps us learn that not only are we capable of functioning in social situations, but that it may not be as frightening as assumed.

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Specific Phobia is a type of anxiety disorder.

Individuals with specific phobia experience intense and irrational fear when faced with a triggering object or situation. These objects and situations come from one of the following categories:

Ψ Animals: Spiders, Snakes, Dogs, mice etc.
Ψ Natural Environment: heights, water, darkness
Ψ Blood-injection-injury: Blood, injuries, needles/injections, invasive medical procedures
Ψ Situational: Enclosed spaces, flying, public speaking
Ψ Others: unclassified fears, costumed characters, technology, numbers, mirrors

We will, of course, experience some degree of fear when faced with one or more of these objects or situations: a grizzly bear attack, free falling from an aircraft at 15,000 feet, or spiders the size of your head (click at your own risk...)

But people with specific phobia will exhibit significantly more distress and anxiety.

Some may even suffer a panic attacks. These fears are out of proportion to the actual danger posed by the object or situation. They often cope by avoiding these objects or situations in their daily life altogether (it is prudent to avoid grizzly bear attacks when going about your daily life).

The situation becomes more problematic when the objects or situations take on a more benign spin: public speaking, needles, or perhaps a general fear of heights. Although not always, persons suffering from specific phobia may have endured a traumatic experience with the object or situation.


Specific phobia responds well to Exposure Therapy.

Your clinical psychologist will work with you and develop an exposure hierarchy chart with a customised list of experiences that begins with the most tolerable (e.g. a picture of a dog) to the most fearful (e.g. patting a real dog). Through a combination of repeating the exposure experiences, learning skills to regulate emotions and learning new information about the fearful object or situation (e.g. not all dogs are vicious), individuals eventually learn to manage their anxiety as well as their fears.

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Specific Phobia

Credit: Osmosis

Abuse and Trauma


There are many types of abuse. A common misconception is abuse is limited to merely physical or verbal abuse. That’s not entirely true.

Let’s talk about four common forms of abuse:

Physical Abuse: if you experience any kind of physical abuse or violence, you should seek immediate help from the police. Call the Police Emergency hotline 999 if you are in immediate danger.

Sexual Abuse: may also occur with physical abuse, if you experience any kind of sexual abuse, coercion or intimidation, seek immediate help from the police. Find out more information on violence against women from aware Singapore. Men, contrary to popular (and incorrect) belief, are also susceptible to sexual abuse. If you are a victim of sexual abuse, reach out for help.

Verbal Abuse: occurs when a person (or persons) uses words to criticise, insult or belittle you, with the intent to cause you hurt and distress. Verbal abuse over a prolonged or intense period of time may cause significant psychological distress.

Psychological Abuse: is also known as mental abuse, emotional abuse, or psychological violence. But depending on who you ask, the precise type of action involved is different depending on who the victim is. Psychological abuse is the systematic use of manipulation to intentionally inflict mental anguish on the victim. Psychological abuse can occur by itself or together with other forms of abuse.


Regardless of how it is carried out, abuse causes psychological distress in individuals who experience it. Abuse over a prolonged and sustained period of time is generally considered to be a traumatic event. In Psychology, trauma is used to describe a major psychological impact or damage on a person who experiences a traumatic event.

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Abuse and Trauma related Mental Disorder(s)

While it is possible to completely recover from abuse and trauma, many sufferers do not or may not have timely access to help or psychological intervention. In some instances, sufferers develop mental disorder(s) as a result of the abuse or trauma.

This group of disorders, known as trauma- or stressor- related disorders, develop as a result of the direct psychological impact of the event(s). There is also the possibility of triggering the development of other mental disorder(s), either from certain characteristics of the traumatic event, or other factors that make the individual vulnerable.

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Potential disorders include (but not limited to):

Trauma and Stress related Disorders:
Ψ Acute Stress Disorder
Ψ Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Mood Disorders:
Ψ Depression

Anxiety Disorders:
Ψ Panic Disorder
Ψ Agoraphobia (fear of open or crowded places or situations which might cause you to panic or feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed)
Ψ Generalised Anxiety Disorder

It is possible you may suffer from more than one mental disorder at any given point in time.

When should you seek treatment for abuse or trauma?

If your emotions become distressing or disabling, and become too much for you to handle, seek help from a mental health professional.

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(plural: there is more than 1 type of depression)

Credit: TEDx Talks


Credit: Psych2Go

Major Depressive Disorder

Did you know that roughly 1 in 16 people in Singapore (or 6.3% of Singapore’s adult population) has suffered from Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), also known as major depression, at some point in their lives?

MDD is the most common disorder in Singapore of which people have suffered from at some point in their lives, compared to other common disorders like bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and alcohol use disorders. MDD is not as uncommon as previously thought, and this could evolve into a much bigger concern for our society if the figures continue to grow.

But wait, what really is ‘depression’? If I feel depressed, does it mean that I suffer from depression?

There are actually many different types of depression, just like how you may feel more happy in certain situations and less in others , depression can range from being mild to severe as well. Some types of depression are triggered specifically by certain life changes, like giving birth.

Symptoms include:

Ψ depressed mood (feeling sad, empty, hopeless)
Ψ loss of interest or pleasure in activities
Ψ significant weight loss/gain due to changes in appetite
Ψ difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much
Ψ loss of energy or increased fatigued
Ψ feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt
Ψ difficulty concentrating or indecisiveness
Ψ increase in purposeless physical activity (like pacing), or slowed movements and speech which can be observed by others
Ψ thoughts of death or suicide

A diagnosis of MDD requires a person to experience at least five of the above symptoms to persist for at least two weeks and symptoms must be present for most of the duration. Symptoms must also include depressed mood or loss of interest.

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Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD)

What is even harder to detect is what is sometimes known as “High Functioning Depression”, or as its clinically known, Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD). It is more difficult to recognise PDD; although the symptoms of are similar to that of clinical depression, many who are suffering from High Functioning Depression might not even know it because the symptoms are often not as severe as those experienced in MDD.

The main characteristic of PDD is a depressed mood for most of the day, and for more days than not, for a period of at least 2 years. Persons suffering from PDD experience milder symptoms such as poor appetite or control, sleep issues, low energy or fatigue, low self-esteem, poor concentration or general feelings of hopelessness.

A diagnosis of PDD only requires the presence of at least two out of the six symptoms listed above (as contrasted to MDD which requires at least five out of nine) but requires the individual to have experienced symptoms for a minimum of two years rather than two weeks.

It is also possible for individuals to experience both disorders at the same time. They may be moderately depressed for a long time (resulting in diagnosis of PDD), but undergo more serious problems occasionally (which warrants the diagnosis of MDD).

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Perinatal or Postpartum Depression

Perinatal depression refers to depression occurring during pregnancy or after immediately after childbirth, while postpartum depression refers mainly to depression following childbirth. Perinatal depression may be an initial indicator for the development of depressive disorders later in life, and also increases the chance of developing postnatal depression.

You might be also surprised to know that men can also suffer from perinatal depression! Yes, men have been reported to have suffered from perinatal or postpartum depression as well, although the focus may be more on the increased responsibility or changes in lifestyle which comes with parenting.

Symptoms include fatigue, feeling sad/hopeless/worthless, difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much, changes in appetite, difficulty concentrating, lack of interest in baby/not feeling bonded/feeling very anxious about baby, feelings of being a bad mother, fear of harming the baby or oneself, or a loss of interest or pleasure in life.

While it may seem common to experience some form of “baby blues” after childbirth, never hesitate to approach a medical or mental health professional just to clarify any doubts you may have. This is especially so if you have experienced the symptoms for more than two weeks, had suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming your child, worsening of depressed mood, or having trouble with daily functioning or even taking care of your baby.

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Common treatments of depressive disorders are usually psychotherapy and antidepressants, sometimes one without the other or both in the most severe of cases.

Examples of psychotherapy that prove to be effective are interpersonal psychotherapy, acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT).

If appropriate, interpersonal therapy is done to improve interpersonal relationships and social functioning to relieve distress. This is done in a variety of ways from improving social skills or to dealing with family disputes, past grievances or major life changes.

Cognitive-behavioural therapy focuses on unhealthy emotions, thought processes or coping behaviors. The aim is to stop you from engaging in unhelpful thinking patterns, negative thoughts or poor coping behaviors when dealing with stress as they often do not help to relieve stress, but rather, prevent individuals from actually engaging in effective ways to relieve stress.

Acceptance and commitment therapy focuses on accepting inner emotions and thoughts as appropriate responses to certain situations, and how to stop avoiding or suppressing these emotions and thoughts. Acts of avoidance merely make it harder for people to move forward with their lives as these acts often cause more distress. However, by promoting acceptance and understanding towards personal emotions, thoughts and responses, this helps to increase understanding towards oneself, focusing more attention to personal principles and can help commit individuals to make changes to their behavior.

A special note about the treatment of perinatal or postpartum depression: it is common for mothers to shy away from seeking a diagnosis, or become fearful of getting help due to the fear of what others may think, or about the effects of the medications prescribed.

Antidepressants are only prescribed if the depression is severe, and there are medications that are safe for use in pregnancy for both the mother and bubs. Always check with your psychiatrist. The point is to never hesitate to seek help from a medical or mental health professional; avoiding treatment does not make the problem go away.

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Dementia is an umbrella used term to describe a range of neurological conditions, all of which result in a decline in brain function due to physical changes in the brain. Alzheimer's Disease and Vascular Dementia are the two most common types of dementia.

Etymology: de- (“out of one’s”) + -mēns (“mind”) +‎ -ia (nominative abstract noun)

It was once thought that dementia only affected “old people” who had taken leave of their minds. Others thought that dementia was Alzheimer’s disease. In a bid to move away from these stigmatisations, there was a move to recognise dementia for what is was: a major neurocognitive disorder (NCD).

The term “major NCD” more accurately reflects the many different causes and manifestations of significant cognitive impairment that can affect people at any age.

Diagnosing Major NCD (Dementia)

Alzheimer's and other types of dementia are clinically diagnosed (which means it is a clinical decision rather than simply taking a laboratory test). A diagnosis is based on your medical history, brain imaging scans and blood test screens, and psychological assessments to study changes in characteristics or thinking, daily functioning and behaviours. A clinical diagnosis can be made with a high degree of certainty. But it's harder to determine the exact type of dementia because the symptoms and brain changes of different dementias may overlap. In some cases it may be necessary to see a specialist such as a neurologist or neuropsychologist.

In summary, there is no one symptom or test to determine if someone has dementia.

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He Ain’t heavy; but is he my brother?

Behavioural and personality changes often accompany major NCD. These changes occur because of brain cell death. The types of behaviour changes observed are dependent on which part of the brain is losing cells.

For example, the frontal lobes in the brain control our ability to focus, pay attention, plan ahead, problem-solve and manage our impulses (late night shopping anyone). When cells in the frontal lobes of the brain are lost, it comes harder to stay focused or control their impulses.

Depending on which parts of the brain are affected, you family member or loved one may not behave as he or she did in the past. You may not recognise the behaviours and mannerisms, but he or she is still very much the person you know and love.

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Caring for your loved one

An important concern for many is how one may provide appropriate care for persons suffering from dementia. One effective model is termed the “person-centred care” approach, where the sufferer’s characteristics as a unique person is recognised and his or her preferences emphasised, instead of focusing on the person’s “lost” abilities and attributes. Person-centred care recognises that a person should not be defined by their condition and that underneath the diagnosis and condition, there is (still) a person. This approach has been found to reduce the sense of helplessness in sufferers and lower the incidence of depression.

The key principle behind person-centred care is that it looks at behaviours as a way for the person with dementia to communicate his needs. It focuses on identifying which unmet need causes the behaviour. It is like communicating with a person who doesn’t share your language or culture. Person-centred care requires that medical and mental health professionals, and caregivers, shift their mental model of care by acknowledging that persons with dementia retain their personal beliefs, life experiences and relationships: things that make up who they are as a person. We just need to find a way to understand and communicate with them.

Most importantly, person-centred care ensures their quality of life and dignity is maintained through the course of their condition.

Don’t forget the caregivers…

The benefits of a person-centred approach also flow through to caregivers, empowering them with the confidence to continue providing high-quality care to their loved ones. More importantly, health care professionals delivering person-centred care in nursing homes found that this approach improved job satisfaction, reduced emotional exhaustion and increased the sense of accomplishment among professionals.

It easy to see why it is important to ensure that caregivers receive ample support.

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Major Neurocognitive Disorder

(or commonly known as “Dementia”)

Credit: CNA Insider

Here’s a caregiver’s perspective

Rates of eating disorders in Singapore have been steadily on the rise.

Media’s relentless portrayal of extreme thinness as the ideal standard of beauty has been named as one major factor responsible for the increasing prevalence of eating disorders.

Another major factor is the desire for absolute control over an aspect of their lives - especially where there is little or no control over other things.

There are three main types of eating disorders: Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, and Binge Eating Disorder (BED).

Ψ Anorexia Nervosa is characterised by a persistent restriction of energy intake, leading to a significantly low body weight, an intense fear of gaining weight, and a severely distorted body image.

Ψ Bulimia Nervosa, by contrast, is characterised by recurrent episodes of binge eating, defined as eating more than most people would in a period of time, or a sense of lack of control over eating during the episode. In addition, recurrent inappropriate compensatory behaviour in order to prevent weight gain, such as self-induced vomiting or misuse of laxatives, is another key symptom of bulimia. Similar to anorexia, individuals suffering from bulimia also tend to have a severely disturbed body image and an intense fear of gaining weight.

Ψ Binge Eating Disorder shares some similarities with bulimia. But unlike bulimia, binge eating disorder is not associated with the recurrent use of inappropriate compensatory behaviours. Binge eating disorder is generally accompanied by feelings of disgust with oneself, depression, guilt, and shame.

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Eating disorders manifest themselves in a variety of ways. A common thread tying these disorders together is the intense feeling of negativity towards one’s weight and resultant patterns of disordered eating. Though treatments are varied, they have all been found to be effective in addressing this concern.

Ψ Anorexia Nervosa
Family therapy modalities, such as the Maudsley Model, are commonly used for the treatment of anorexia, particularly for adolescents. Family therapy modalities encourage parents to play an active role in their child’s therapy. Over time, and with the help of consistent psychotherapy, the therapist creates conditions between the parents and the adolescent so that he or she gradual takes responsibility for their own mealtime behaviours.

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) may also be used to treat anorexia. At the heart of CBT lies the need to identify and challenge dysfunctional thoughts regarding one’s body image. Family involvement may also be incorporated in CBT for anorexia.

Ψ Bulimia Nervosa
Treatment for Bulimia is best understood in contradistinction to treatment for Anorexia.


Binge Eating Disorder
Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) is a useful form of treatment that addresses the high negative affect that characterises most binge eating disorder sufferers. This is because a large part of DBT focuses on emotional regulation.

As part of DBT, clinicians impart mindfulness skills, emotion regulation skills, and distress tolerance skills to sufferers. Mindfulness skills are aimed at providing patients with the capability to non-judgmentally observe and describe their moment-to-moment emotional experiences, while emotion regulation skills help patients understand their emotions and decrease vulnerability to negative emotions. Distress tolerance skills are aimed at teaching adaptive and effective means for contending with the inevitable stresses in life and include skills for facilitating an acceptance of reality.

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Eating Disorders

dealing with 3 main disorders:
Binge Eating

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

(or as we know it, PTSD)

Here’s a crash course on PTSD

Credit: CrashCourse


What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder ?

It is not uncommon to experience flashbacks or nightmares after witnessing a shocking, scary or dangerous event: natural disasters, a catastrophic accident, the death of a loved one, grievous assault - the list is endless. Everyone will, quite naturally, experience a range of emotions as a result of such trauma, and most will eventually recover from the ordeal. However, there are those who continue to suffer from the impact over a prolonged period of time. This is known as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

PTSD is a major psychological disorder that can be debilitating for those experiencing it. Symptoms include:

Ψ Recurring, intrusive thoughts: re-experiencing the events involuntarily, in the form of recollections, dreams, nightmares, and triggered flashbacks.
Ψ Hyper-arousal: this includes anxiety, irritability, quickness to anger and a sense of feeling exhausted from being continuously alert.
Ψ Intense psychological distress when exposed to cues that resemble aspects of the traumatic event.
Ψ Avoidance of cues associated with the traumatic event.
Ψ Negative emotions and thoughts: a sense of numbness and emotional distancing from others (diminished involvement in activities), alienation, or self-blame.

Symptoms typically begin shortly after the traumatic event. Occasionally, this may take a longer time, even years after the event. Symptoms last for at least a month and are sufficiently severe so as to interfere with your work or relationships. Some recover within 6 months while others may experience it on a more chronic level.

But don’t wait for a month to pass before seeking help! Our natural stress response to traumatic events may be immediate and in some cases, persistent. Even after the traumatic event has passed. Persons showing symptoms of PTSD for more than 2 days may be diagnosed with Acute Stress Disorder instead.

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Why do some people suffer from PTSD and others do not?

That’s because there are many factors that affect a person’s likelihood of developing PTSD. For example, women are more likely than men to develop PTSD. Certain genetic factors also make some people more likely than others to develop the condition. Here are a few other factors:

Ψ Experiencing dangerous events and traumas (rape, serious injury, childhood trauma etc.)
Ψ Witnessing hurt on another person, a killing or a dead body
Ψ Having little or no social support after the event
Ψ Dealing with unrelated stressors after the event, such as loss of a loved one, pain and injury, or loss of a job or home
Ψ A history of mental illness or substance abuse (alcohol, drugs etc.)

Just as there are factors that increase risk for PTSD, there are also factors that reduce it. These are known as resilience factors and a few of them are shown below:

Ψ Seeking out support from other people, such as friends and family, or support groups
Ψ Helping others process trauma as part of your healing process
Ψ Learning positive coping strategies

PTSD affects everyone in different ways and so there is no standard treatment. However, two concurrent treatment modes are usually prescribed: medication and psychotherapy.


Antidepressants may be prescribed, which may help control PTSD symptoms including sadness, anxiety, anger and feeling numb inside. Medication is sometimes prescribed alongside psychotherapy.

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You know by now that Psychotherapy involves guided talk therapy with a trained mental health professional. It can occur one-on-one or in a group. PTSD specific therapy usually involves education about symptoms, and equipping you with skills to identify the triggers as well as techniques to manage the symptoms.

There are two main forms of therapy used to treat PTSD:

Ψ Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

Read about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy below.

Ψ Exposure therapy

Exposure therapy, as the name suggests, involves individuals exposing themselves (get your mind out of the gutter) and confronting their fears and anxiety in a safe and controlled environment.

Through repetition and regulating the intensity of exposure, the aim Exposure Therapy is to reduce the emotional intensity of these reactions to a manageable level, allowing individuals to rationalise and cope with their anxiety. The key is to ensure gradual exposure to the trauma experienced, but always in a safe and controlled environment. This may take the form of active imagining, writing, or revisiting the place where the event happened with your psychologist.

There are other types of treatment as well (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). For example, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (or TF-CBT for short — scroll below to read more) is primarily used for treating trauma and traumatic grief in children and adolescents.

People suffering from PTSD should discuss potential treatment options with their clinical psychologists.

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What is Trauma Focused-CBT (TF-CBT)?

TF-CBT is a type of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) that is specifically designed to treat children and adolescents suffering from PTSD (between 3 and 18 years of age). In short, CBT combines elements of behavioural therapy and cognitive therapy into a useful and targeted form of therapy.

The goal of TF-CBT is to educate the child and caregivers on PTSD and equip them with skills to identify and cope with emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that have developed after a traumatic event. TF-CBT achieves this by:

Ψ Developing and teaching coping strategies to deal with traumatic stress reactions.
Ψ Reduce symptoms of depression, anxiety, or acting-out behavior common in children exposed to trauma.

Treatment is typically done over 12 to 18 sessions and include individual sessions for the child and their caregivers, and also joint sessions with the child and caregivers. Specific interventions include:

Ψ Psycho-education. Learning about traumatic stress together with the child and caregivers: typical reactions and why they happen; about the systems that may be involved (medical personnel, social workers, police, prosecutors etc.) that may invoke various reactions; the connection between thoughts, feelings and behavior; and what is involved in therapy.

Most children will recover from PTSD if effective treatment is regularly administered.

Ψ Emotion regulation and correcting maladaptive beliefs. Learning to recognise typical trauma-related emotions such as fear or anxiety, sadness or grief, anger, or shame and learn specific skills to handle these difficult emotions in constructive ways. Identifying typical but unhelpful beliefs such as self-blame, that no one can be trusted, or that the world is dangerous all of the time. Children and caregivers will be exposed to helpful and more accurate ways to process the trauma.

Ψ Trauma narrative. Encouraging the child to remember and recount the traumatic incident without becoming upset, avoiding certain memories, handling cues and triggers that might remind your child of the trauma. The child and caregivers must work together to reframe the traumatic experience so it does not affect his or her present life. This is the main part of TF-CBT.

Ψ Positive parenting. This component teaches caregivers the skills to help them handle behaviours that are difficult or that interfere with family relationships.

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Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT)

The premise of CBT is the identification of inaccurate negative thoughts that contribute to a mental disturbance, and to actively challenge and change these thoughts through behaviour testing and modification. CBT helps people make sense of the bad thoughts or memories through conscious thought and behaviour modification.

In a nutshell, CBT involves the identification of unhelpful thought patterns that manifests into significant problems, the modification of dysfunctional thinking, and thereby encouraging a corresponding change in behaviour.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is scientifically-validated and evidenced based. It examines the interconnected linkages between a person’s thoughts, feelings and behaviours. CBT incorporates branches of cognitive and behavioural therapy.

The Unhealthy (Quad)Cycle

One of the first steps when engaging in CBT is to understand the what, how, when and where our struggles manifest.

Your psychologist begins by identifying what some of your struggles are, working together with you to understand how your current thinking may be contributing to your negative feelings, and how that eventually leads to problematic behaviours reinforcing unhelpful thinking patterns.

Subsequently, your psychologist will facilitate a deeper understanding into when and where some of these thinking patterns are triggered. For example, certain situations may trigger thoughts that affect our feelings, behaviours and physiological sensations. This may lead to an unhealthy cycle that reinforces the negative thought patterns and the ensuing struggles:

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) Flow Chart

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Cognitive Distortions

Over time, this cyclical relationship sometimes lead to developing errors in thinking. These are known as cognitive distortions. All of us occasionally engage in them. They affect the way we see ourselves, the world and the people around us.

Sometimes, these cognitive distortions occur automatically or involuntarily. This can occur when these behaviors and thought patterns have become automatic responses – an example of an automatic response is when you wake up in the morning and brush your teeth without actually consciously thinking about what you are doing. These responses may be unhelpful and unhealthy as they may be ineffective (or in most cases, having the opposite effect) in relieving stress, elevating your mood or resolving conflict in the long run.

There’s a long list of cognitive distortions, but we’ll just share some which are more common or relatable below:

Ψ Overgeneralisation: “Everybody says I’m unfriendly” or “Nobody cares about me
Ψ Moral imperatives (“Should” “Must” “Ought”): “I must be friendly” or “I should have done better
Ψ Magnification and minimisation: “My day was horrible because a dog barked at me” and “A stranger complimented me today but I’m sure he didn’t mean it”
Ψ Mind reading: “He shifted away from me. He must think I smell bad.” or “He didn’t smile at me. I think he doesn’t like me.”


In CBT, by learning to identify, assess and confront cognitive distortions, we can deploy alternative strategies to challenge and overcome these unhelpful thoughts.

Through a combination of changing dysfunctional thoughts and learning alternative, healthier behaviours, we can employ a systematic approach in improving our emotions and behaviours. To give you a better idea of what CBT would entail, we’ll briefly introduce one of its commonly used techniques – cognitive restructuring. It is a process of helping individuals challenge negative or irrational thoughts, which are known as cognitive distortions. Cognitive restructuring involves learning and practicing certain techniques.

Here are three techniques that you can use:

CBT Technique A - Increase Self-Awareness of Thoughts.jpg
CBT Technique B - Thought Journal.jpg

Worksheet - Thought Journal

CBT Technique C - Questioning your thoughts.jpg

Through a combiniation of an accurate comprehension of your thoughts, actively developing strategies against cognitive distortions, and planning healthier behaviours, CBT acts as a clinically effective first line.

In summary, CBT works.

Extensively research has shown that CBT is effective in treating many psychological conditions such as major depressive disorder, anxiety disorders, phobias, eating disorders, PTSD and others.

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6 years. Its a long time.

But that is the statistical duration of time that would have lapsed before most couples in need will seek therapy. And by the time things become truly intractable, the negativity between the partners would have become gravitationally overwhelming.

Which is why it is important to identify teething issues that don’t go away and seek intervention at an early stage. Together with your significant other.

Dr Annabelle is trained in and has completed Level 2 Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy and utilises the Gottman Method Couples Therapy in her couple therapy work. The Gottman Method Couples Therapy identifies “nine principles” that the couple must work through together in order to nourish and maintain their association, and the “four horsemen” responsible for the destruction in a relationship and which are found much less frequently in healthy relationships.

Find out more at the Gottman Institute.

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Group Therapy

DBT Group skills training
Caregiver Support Groups for BPD
Mindfulness-based stress reduction
Anxiety Management
Caregiver Support Groups for PWD

A note on group therapy sessions we conduct
Our groups are conducted in a safe and open environment - no participant should feel ridiculed or threatened by any other participant at any time. We will not hesitate to ask an offending participant to leave our group sessions.

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Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) group skills training

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) treatment utilises a cognitive-behavioral approach, emphasizing the psychosocial aspects of treatment. The theory behind the approach is that some people are prone to react in a more intense and out-of-the-ordinary manner toward certain emotional situations, primarily those found in romantic, family and friend relationships. DBT theory suggests that some people’s arousal levels in such situations can increase far more quickly than the average person’s, attain a higher level of emotional stimulation, and take a significant amount of time to return to baseline arousal levels. It is a cognitive-based, support-oriented, and higly collaborative type of psychotherapy.

Join our next DBT group skills training session, every Saturday from 2 to 5pm.

Caregiver Support Groups for Borderline Personality Disorders (BPD)

Coming soon.

Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR)

Mindfulness is a mental state of awareness that involves one paying attention to the present moment with curiosity and openness. Through guided experiential meditation and a hands-on approach, this 5 week group workshop goes beyond introductory concepts and is intended to equip individuals with the powerful psychological tool of mindfulness. The program is guided by the principles of the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program, developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Anxiety Management

Persons suffering from anxiety go about their daily lives experiencing various levels of debilitation. High levels of anxiety may even affect critical decision-making processes and impair judgement.

Our anxiety group therapy focuses on equipping you with the tools to identify anxiety in its early stages and impart techniques to allow you to effectively manage anxiety through achieveable steps. We will also go through the psychology of anxiety and decision-making, and how you can maintain an open mind while copying with anxiety.

Join us for an evening of exploration and instruction on the "Twin-Tools" to manage anxiety: Mindfulness and Meditation. We will also explore common issues associated with anxiety disorders, including Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and specific phobias. We encourage participants to attend our sessions together with a person who has been giving you care or supporting you.

Caregiver Support Groups for Persons with Dementia (PWD)

Providing care to a spouse, elderly parent or family member who is suffering long term illness or dementia can be very rewarding but it also can be a distressing experience. The caregiver has to endure high levels of stress, lowered sense of well-being and a host of negative emotions.  Caregiver stress can be particularly damaging, since it is typically a chronic, long-term challenge. Without adequate help and support, the stress of caregiving leaves you vulnerable to a wide range of physical and emotional problems, ranging from heart disease to depression. When caregiver stress and burnout puts your own health at risk, it affects your ability to provide care. The key point is that caregivers need care too. Managing the stress levels in your life is just as important as making sure your family member gets to his doctor's appointment or takes her medication on time. The practice of mindfulness has been found to be helpful in enabling caregivers to be more reflective thereby allowing them to tap into a wider range of coping skills. Mindfulness based exercises leads to the individual being less reactive and judgmental about upsetting thoughts and emotions. This can be combined with a cognitive-behavioural approach to enhance problem solving abilities, challenge their negative thoughts and assumptions and reengage in positive aspects of life.

Credit: Channel News Asia

What happens when the pressure of caregiving hits and you reach tipping point? Talking Point investigates. About the show: Talking Point investigates a current issue or event - offering different perspectives to local stories and reveals how it all affects you.

Writings and Muses

The Authentic Self

You've seen glamorous pictures of their cars, watches, and handbags (and other things from - which by the way is an excellent site to while away the time).

Or perhaps watched the latest 'stories' of linen-clad ‘frienemies’ traversing the Moroccan plains atop a camel. Maybe nothing too rich, just a good-looking former colleague armed with her silky-haired squad hitting the clubs every weekend, and you look at yourself, slumped on the couch with a bag of potato chips watching Netflix (or worse, endlessly scrolling through for something to watch).

Yep. We've all seen these pictures and most of us are guilty of it.

Social media platforms such as Facebook and Instagram inadvertently foster comparisons with your peers. You think, “Why can’t my life be as fun and exciting?” And you start to make plans to skip lunches to save up for a holiday to take twice as many photos, with your new skinny body of course. Or you blow your bonus on that much-vaunted 2.55 alligator bag in gold.

But still we constantly scroll through our feeds looking at the polished pictures of our peers. The cycle (and the feed) is endless.


Like Thanos, we want to reshape reality. We want to convince our friends and family that we are a certain person whether or not that might be true. We might even believe that we are the image that we create for ourselves. In a world of smartphones and selfies, where our identities are equated with our social media profiles, who’s to know what we are or aren’t?

But are we truly living happy lives?

A study conducted in 2015 found a strong correlation between authenticity and self-esteem. People felt better about themselves if they believed they were living authentic lives. People felt better about themselves if they thought they were true about themselves.

What is an authentic life? One philosopher thought an authentic life involved making choices based on your own values, rather than in accordance with the values of anyone else.

But almost every photograph on Facebook or Instagram is a filtered version of reality – there literally are dozens of filters to choose from to edit a photograph. They are also filtered because people only want the positive on display. Perhaps what wasn’t shown to you was how disastrously smelly that Moroccan camel was, how many times she puked along Jiak Kim Street after Mambo Night, or how many installments are left on that BMW. Our quest to emulate the lives of these people becomes meaningless because the very thing we seek to recreate is not real.

We would all be a lot happier (and richer) if we stopped trying to live like the people we follow on social media. Live life on our own terms, simply and without reference to others (said no professor ever).

In the wise words of Heidegger the philosopher, “The path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny.”

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Women and Mental Health

Among the UN nations, only 11 nations had a female head of state while 12 nations had a female head of government (we suspect most of these nations are headed by - deep breath - Her Majesty The Queen Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of her other realms and territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith; by contrast, the head of government in a commonwealth country will usually be the Prime Minister - to continue the analogy, this would be The Right Honourable Theresa May MP, Prime Minister).

In Parliament (including the Singapore Parliament), women parliamentarians constitute approximately 20% of the parliament. Within the workforce, women account for less than a quarter of senior roles globally and the gender pay gap persists around the world.

There’s no denying it. Gender bias permeates through every aspect of our lives: at home and at the work place. Even in medical settings, especially when clinical judgment is involved.

For example, depression is one of the most common mental illnesses in the world, but it is almost twice as common in women than men. Women are also the single largest group of people affected by Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Reasons for this gender disparity may include gender-based risk factors, such as domestic violence, socio-economic disadvantages, income disparities or inequalities, differences in social standing or empathy for others, all disproportionately affect women. Of course, other factors such as how symptoms are differently perceived and diagnosed in women and men also come into play.

Can we reduce the risk of developing mental illness in women?

Yes! Research shows that there are 3 main factors that are highly protective against the development of mental disorders (in men or women) arising from severe or traumatic events:

Ψ Having sufficient autonomy to exercise control over your actions after the event
Ψ Resources to allow the making of informed choices
Ψ Support from family, friends, and psychological support from mental health professionals

More is needed to reduce the risk of women developing mental illnesses such as depression. Changes are needed as a society to ensure that women have autonomy and equal access to resources and essential services; basically, we must improve the protective factors against the development of mental illnesses in women.

As persons – employers, co-workers, friends, or family members – we must all do our part to address personal biases, acknowledge and respect “the other half” of humanity.

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Surviving a suicide attempt

A suicide attempt is extremely traumatic.

Survivors feel disorientated and lost, not knowing where and how to go from here on. Others may feel intense waves of fear, sadness or anger. Some, after experiencing these waves, become seemingly emotionless. Numb. It is natural to have such feelings and thoughts.

Here is a list of steps that individuals should immediately take following a suicide attempt:


and call a loved one or friend right away.

Our ability to actively care for ourselves are greatly affected by the circumstances that give rise to the attempt in the first place. Having survived the attempt, this ability is further compromised. Which means that you are going to need support. Reach out immediately.

Then go to the nearest hospital or medical clinic to seek medical attention. Even if the attempt does not result in you suffering from any physical injury however minor, you should still seek medical attention.

What to do at the Hospital or Clinic

Knowing what to expect greatly reduces the anxiety that comes with waiting in a busy medical facility.

Firstly, emergency staff are trained to assess and manage any injuries that require immediate medical attention. This is known as triage. After treating these injuries, they will then arrange for a mental health professional to meet and have a chat with you about your mental health status. This may include questions on your mood, the presence of recent major stressors, and any concerns with your daily functioning. This is really just a shorthand to assess your mental state and look for any further risks that you may be facing.

Occasionally, the hospital may require a detailed review by doctors with different specialisations. Depending whether such doctor(s) are on hand, you may be warded for further observation or admitted into a ward.

Reaching out to your Tribe (my what?)

We often do not realise how many members of our tribe (your family, friends, colleagues, peers - anyone who is a part of your larger network) actually do care about our safety and well-being. Even if you don’t ordinarily consider them to be part of your support network.

It’s common for people to worry over what to say to others following the attempt. You may want to start a conversation only after you feel comfortable enough to share about your experience, and even then, you can control the extent to which you are comfortable with sharing. Confiding in a support group that you trust and feel connected to is a healthy way to process the experience and suicidal thoughts or make these thoughts easier to manage if they return.

Going forward

Moving forward, you may find it helpful to write down thoughts and helpful tips to make your transition period easier (“journalling”, for example). These include things like knowing what you can do to make it easier to cope with things in the days following your discharge from the hospital, knowing who in your social support network you can reach out to, and most importantly, having a plan for dealing with suicidal thoughts should they come up again.

Things can change for the better if you allow it to.

Most importantly, seek support from a mental health or counselling professional if you feel suicidal. They will work together with you to create a safety plan or finding ways to cope. Things can change for the better if you allow it to.

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A Brief Note on Grief

Grief is a natural response to loss

Grieving is a completely normal reaction to loss. The passing of a loved one, the loss of a treasured relationship, or loss of use of a physical ability, or perhaps something more intangible like an opportunity or aspiration.

Everyone’s healing process is different, and healing takes time. Sometimes, lots of time. There are different theories on the various stages or trajectories of grief a person may go through. Regardless of which some common emotions that typically make up the grieving process such as:

Shock, numbness, disbelief. Guilt. Fear and anxiety. Or sadness; extreme sadness.

Questions such as “What could I have otherwise done?” or “What if this happens on someone else I love?” may fan the flames of the ever-present anxiety usually accompanies grief.

All these are intense emotions that are overwhelming. Here are some ways you can cope with grief:

Ψ Allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions that awash you. Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s not okay to feel what you are feeling, be it sadness, fear, shock or any other emotion.
Ψ Take care of yourself – remember to eat well and exercise. If you have a routine, stick to it.
Ψ Be gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself for things you may have said or done (or did not say or do). We are, after all, only human.
Ψ Talk to peers. Remember your Tribe, and that you are not alone in this world.

When should you seek professional help?

It may be a good idea to seek treatment or therapy from a mental health professional if you feel:

Ψ The intense emotions aren’t subsiding.
Ψ You don’t feel capable of coping with the overwhelming emotions on a day-to-day basis.
Ψ You have trouble sleeping.
Ψ Your relationships are affected by your grief.
Ψ You feel continually sad, depressed or anxious over a period of time.

Therapy centred around coping with grief involves helping you come to terms with what has happened; to process, accept and allow yourself to feel the emotions you are feeling. Your clinical psychologists may also work towards helping you forgiveness yourself if you are experiencing strong feelings of guilt. Stress management and relaxation techniques may be taught to help cope with feelings of anxiety. For example, you may be asked to think about meeting your basic emotional needs, such as love and belonging, were met before the loss, how your needs have been compromised by your loss, and how new steps can be taken to meet your needs.

There are, of course, differences in the way each human processes grief; the therapeutic techniques used will vary between persons. However, as with all psychotherapy, processing grief and loss is very much a collaborative effort between you and your psychologist.

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Sexual Assault & Trauma

Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual behaviour that makes a person feel uncomfortable, threatened or scared. Consent here, is key - if you did not provide consent, it means sexual assault occurred.

AWARE Singapore has published a helpful resource on what sexual assault is.

If you are a victim of sexual assault, please don’t blame yourself for whatever that has happened to you.

No one has the right to violate you no matter how you dressed, or whether you are unconscious or not.

First Steps
Try to remember as much as you can about your surroundings when the assault occurred, the smallest details can make a huge difference. At the earliest opportunity, try and recall the offender’s face, features or clothing (distinct colours, features or brands for example).

You should try and do the same even if you were assaulted while you were unconscious. Try to remember as much as you can of what occurred before and after you became unconscious or assaulted, including your surroundings. Find out if there was anyone around whom you can ask for more information of what happened while you were unconscious.

Lodge a police report and seek medical attention as soon as possible in case of STIs and pregnancy.

In order to gather and preserve evidence, a rape kit examination can be done at either KK Women’s Hospital, Singapore General Hospital or Tan Tock Seng Hospital within 72 hours of the incident – only these hospitals are equipped to deal with rape cases.

If it really seems like no evidence can be collected, our first advice is always make sure your mental health is your first priority. You may not want the attention nor the complications of filing a report, even if you do have evidence. If you do not want a legal case, do not force yourself as it may prolong, slow or possibly hinder your own recovery. Persuade your loved ones to respect your decision.


It is normal to feel strong emotions such as disgust or shame. Don’t avoid experiencing them.

Accepting that these feelings are unavoidable is the first step to recovery. When you are ready, open up about what happened to people you trust. In fact, keeping the fact of the assault all to yourself is be extremely suffocating and may even lead you think that you are all alone in your pain.

Trust me, you aren’t. There are countless of testimonies published online (#MeToo movement) are testament to the fact you are not alone. There are support groups where survivors share their experiences – AWARE has one for female survivors (16 years of age and above) of sexual assault. You could learn how others coped with their experiences if you join one. However, if you’re not comfortable speaking to a group of people, you could share your story online anonymously with HearToChange or read the stories of those who experienced sexual assault.

Sharing your experience and seeking comfort in the support of others can help you to cope with the debilitating incident. Here are some benefits of doing so:

Ψ Release pent up emotions
Ψ Expose yourself to your support network (family, volunteers, welfare organisations)
Ψ Make sense of your thoughts and emotions
Ψ Greater clarity of what happened during the incident
Ψ Being one step closer to recovery
Ψ Spread awareness of this issue in society (without these small contributions, many others may continue to be oblivious)

Even if you really do not feel like confiding in someone, try and seek out at least one or two trusted confidants out.

Acceptance (Not Avoidance!)

While it may be painful, recalling and accepting the incident is important. Avoidance only makes whatever you were avoiding more salient. We often use this example in psychology:

The harder you try to avoid it, the more likely that you will be reminded of it, or make it more salient in your head. Acceptance is not the same as blaming yourself for what happened. Rather, it includes being able to accept that what happened was out of your control.

Coping with Flashbacks

It is common to experience traumatic flashbacks. Prepare yourself by developing some awareness of possible triggers (e.g. certain smells). Once you are more aware of your triggers, it will help you make sense of what is happening and why.

During flashbacks, pay attention to physical sensations and what emotions you are feeling during these episodes. After, take steps to calm down, such as breathing exercises. Also try to ground yourself in the present (e.g tapping your arms, naming the current day) as this will help you realize that it is a flashback and not reality.

Don’t Isolate Yourself!

Stay connected with loved ones and join social activities. You don’t have to constantly talk about sexual assault or things related to it. You can do things that have nothing to with the trauma itself.

If these activities bring you joy, they can be equally healing. Participating in joyful activities isn’t avoidance. You can choose to accept that you are feeling low or down, and yet try to do something to lift your spirits.

Seek Professional Help

Sexual assault and trauma is linked to a bunch of mental disorders, depression, PTSD, anxiety disorders etc.. If you feel unable to carry on with your everyday life due to the repercussions of the incident, seek help from a mental health professional.

For friends, family, loved ones of victims

Don’t blame them for whatever that has happened, pass judgments or express doubt on their story.

  1. Be a listening ear. Listen to their narration of events, bearing in mind that effect of trauma may have had an adverse impact on their ability to accurately remember the relevant sequence of events.

  2. Don’t downplay or trivialise the incident. This will (definitely) come across as doubting or invalidating their feelings. Let them feel whatever they must feel as part of their own healing process.

  3. At an appropriate time, encourage them to seek help whenever they can (e.g psychologists, counsellors), but let them do so on their own terms. Do not insist for them to seek help. Only encourage them to do so if it really seems as though their distress is causing them to be unable to function daily or normally.

  4. Provide emotional support whenever you can. A sexual assault experience can be extremely traumatic and effects can last for a long time. Think along the lines of “How can I be there for him/her?” rather than “What concrete steps do I need to take to help?”.

For others


  • Be mindful of your surroundings and the environment you are in. If necessary, take additional precautions if you have to walk in an unsafe area.

  • Do not assume that someone else will look out for your safety. In bars or at parties, keep your drink with you. Leaving your drink unattended makes it possible for someone to spike them with date rape drugs or intoxicating alcohol. Know your limits and keep within them, especially when it comes to drinking in unfamiliar places. Being surrounded by familiar people does not make a place “familiar”.

  • Sexual assault occurs even if you least expect it. Do not keep quiet if an assault is imminent. The shock may overwhelm and you may be too frightened: but always seek help immediately. Scream or shout for help if you have to.

How to contribute to the cause

  • Stay current on sexual assault laws. By educating ourselves on the many forms and types of sexual assault, when they can happen and what safety nets we have in place in society, we become more knowledgeable on the issue and can either help spread awareness, or strive for change in the community.

  • Become an advocate for sexual assault victims. You can start small – from sharing with your friends and family about your experiences (if any) and how you survived. You can volunteer for AWARE, join a movement or speak up about the issue whenever you can.

  • Know how to respond to sexual assault cases. For example, if a stranger approaches you for help or if you witness something happening, don’t be an apathetic bystander. Help the person. With people being more alert and informed, offenders will be more afraid to act out. Deterrence may not completely stop sexual assault, but it can at least reduce the number of cases and victims.

Coping with Sexual Assault

AWARE Sexual Assault Care Centre
6779 0282 (10AM to midnight, Mon-Fri)

KK Women's Hospital
6225 5554 (24 hours)

Singapore General Hospital
6222 3322

Tan Tock Seng Hospital
1800 7372 7500